I’ve never been a highly anxious person. Sure, I can find myself wrestling with “what ifs” and certainly can get nervous before taking big risks, but never anything debilitating.
And then I started growing a human inside of me.
Most of my pregnancy has been really fantastic…happy, hopeful, and filled with healthy anticipation. I have been taking care of my body with nutritious food and supplements, resting daily, and working out 5-6 times per week. According to my midwife, my labs are the best she’s ever seen. Helllllooo, amazing blood ferritin levels. I don’t hang out on birthing forums filled with questions about all the things that could wrong, and I haven’t been sweating the small stuff. But as the due date draws closer, I have found myself up at night wondering, “Have I been doing a good job? Is baby girl going to be healthy? Should I have taken more classes or read more books? Was going in the sauna a really bad idea? Have I been laying on my back too much? Did I overdo the caffeine? Am I crazy for planning a home birth? IS EVERYTHING GOING TO BE OK EVEN THOUGH I ATE THAT POKE BOWL?!”
It’s frightening where the mind can go and has lead to several nightmares as of late about survival. More than one night’s rest has been stolen by this fear, leading me to finally cry out, “NO more! I will not allow these attacks to steal my joy. God, you are my comforter. Give me rest, protect my baby, and free my mind from these thoughts. I trust you, Lord. Completely. Utterly. I surrender it all to you.”
I was sharing this with a more seasoned mama and she smiled, “Oh, get ready, wait until you actually have the baby and need to keep it alive!!” In other words, this whole being a parent thing will call for constant surrender of worry…Jesus, take the wheel!
Fortunately, this isn’t a new concept to me; I had to surrender the success of my business long ago. Faith has been a pivotal part of my entrepreneurial journey because there are truly so many things out of my control. I have learned to find peace in the process as I work to grow something hugely impactful. It has not been easy, not in the least. But it would be absolutely impossible without faith.
God is Good. All the time.
Ciao for now,